Monday, March 23, 2009

What Have I Learned?

That was the question asked in the grief/share email today. Well, one thing I have learned is that people actually do care, even if they don't understand or don't say anything because they don't know what to say. That has made it a bit easier. At least I haven't had to go through that whole battle of thinking that nobody cares.

I did go through a period of time where I felt very lonely and felt like withdrawing. It did take a lot of courage some days just to get up and face the day. I had to battle with the question of do I have what it takes to make it through another day. Do I even want to? Then came the realization that every day I am one day closer to eternity and one day closer to being with the loved ones that are waiting in heaven for me.

Another thing I am learning is that I must desire God more than anything else. Jeremiah 7 -11 was part of my Bible reading for today. "Lord, there is no one like you!"

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Happy Birthday, Renee

Renee, it is twenty five years ago today that you were born. And it is already your second birthday in heaven with Jesus. You always loved celebrating your birthdays so much. You would sometimes start planning your birthday parties before Christmas and I had to slow you down a bit.

I'm so thankful for all the good memories we have, of your joy and love of life and people and your love for our heavenly Father. I don't need to say this, because you already know it, but I'm missing you so terribly much. However, I'm trying to keep my focus on our precious Savior and not so much on my pain.

Renee, I'm sure you are having a very happy, happy day in that place where there is no more pain.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009


Well, we survived the first anniversary of Renee's death. Oh, I hate that word, but that is just how it is. However, the moment Renee took her last breath on this earth, she was more alive than ever, praising God with all her might together with the angels.

The topic for this week from "The One Year Book of Hope" is angels. "Angels show us how to worship in fear and freedom, in faithfulness and fullness. We might think that angels would grow comfortably familiar with being in the presence of God, but they are eternally in awe of him, filled with holy fear. However, they are not frozen with fear. ... They shout and sing and fly. This freedom is what we, too, were made for! Angels show us what wholehearted, all-the-time worship looks like - gazing at Jesus on the throne, responding to him with reverent fear, enjoying him with great freedom, obeying him with genuine joy, and inviting the whole world to gaze on his beauty. Our lesson from the angels begins when we recognize the holiness of God."

There is more, but maybe that is enough for today. The above picture is from when we were at the grief retreat in Pennsylvania and it seemed like a special cloud, an angel cloud.