Wednesday, April 30, 2008

I Love You, I Love You, I Love You

I have been listening a lot to the songs on my iPod - the songs that Renee uploaded for me just two weeks before she left us. One of the songs by Jonathan Hesler talks about how much God loves us - outrageously much - one hundred percent - all the time - all the way. There is nothing we can do to make God love us more and nothing we can do to make God love us less. Amazing love! How can it be that my God would die for me - go to hell for me?

It just makes me weep to think that He loved me that much. All I can do is say, "I love You, I love You, I Love You." And pray that my life will show that I really truly do love Jesus with all my heart. Too often I get all twisted up with the little petty things that don't really make any difference.

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Grief & Pain

I am still working on this book which is a study of grief and pain in the plan of God, based on the book of Lamentations.

The focal point of the first chapter - Coping with Grief is that we must always confess that the Lord is 'right', 'just' and 'righteous' in all His ways taken from verse 18 of Lam. 1. Four elements of coping with grief are given in this chapter.

1) In its Loneliness - "We are taught to pour out our complaint, sorrow, anguish to the God in whose presence we not only live but also suffer."

2)In its Causes - "It is not always necessary or even desirable to probe one's past for all the root causes of pain and suffering, but when we come to realize that some forms of suffering are retributive and are connected with previous sin nothing will assuage our pain or allow us to cope with grief until we acknowledge our guilt and repeated transgressions."

3)In its Purposes - One of the purposes of grief as given in this chapter is to turn us back to the Lord - a total reversal of one's field - a 180 degree turnaround to face God and His purposes.

4) In its confessions - That God is in the right and we are in the wrong. We instinctively seek human sympathy, but there is no help from men. We must appeal to our Lord to witness our great mental and emotional state of agitation and to turn to Him for comfort.

Thursday, April 17, 2008

I need you, I need you, I need you

Heavenly Father, I need you, I need you, I need you. I need you to be my strength. I feel so weak. I need you to be my joy. I feel so depressed and sad or something, not all the time, but it comes and goes. I need you to be my all in all. I need you to be the reason that I live.

Monday, April 14, 2008

Regretting the Past

In talking with some friends over the weekend, I was encouraged to go on with life and the grieving process. It was very helpful to have somebody to talk with that would help me to understand that I need to get over all those regrets.

It was very nice to visit with our friends in Boston, that we had not seen in 13 years. Their son had a transplant in '89 . Was not doing very good the last time we saw them, but had another transplant in '97. It was nice to see him doing so well, but that opened up a whole new set of questions and regrets.

That is why I needed to talk to someone, because the burden was getting too heavy.

I had a glorious time on the beach Friday morning, taking pictures of the ocean in the fog. It was so beautiful, as you see in the pictures. I had met a lady on my way back to the hotel. Her daughter had cancer and she herself has a form of cancer. We were talking about the power of prayer. We sure felt that power during our time in New York this winter.

Thanks again for praying. The battle is not over. Ray is having a very hard time with the thing that he loved so much, the R&D aspect of the business being taken away from him, and so much more. He can always start a new R&D, but is is very hard to start from scratch again. Please pray for him.

I listened to #6 message in the series on Job again last night. He talks about how just because we can't see a reason for our suffering, doesn't mean that there isn't a reason. And sometimes it is not so much about us knowing a reason, as to just learn to trust God more.

This morning I came across one of many papers that I keep in my Bible. This one I have read over many times and found encouragement in it again.

"I AM"

I was regretting the past

and fearing the future

Suddenly my Lord was speaking

My name is "I AM". He paused

I waited. He continued.

When you live in the past

with all its mistakes and regrets,

it is very hard. I am not there.

My name is not I WAS.

When you live in the future

it is hard. I am not there.

My name is not I WILL BE.

When you live in this moment

it is not hard. I am here.

My name is "I AM".

I think I actually posted this already once before. But is was a good reminder to me again. When this lady I met asked me what I was taking pictures of, I said I was just trying to see the beauty around me and to see things the way Renee had in her many photographs. There is so much beauty here in St. Simons Island.

Saturday we went to see Old Savannah, that Renee was so anxious for us to see. She had suggested we should do a road trip to Savannah in spring. I would love to call her and talk to her about it.

We are going again today. There is a Gospel Riverboat Cruise on the Savannah River that we want to do, and we want to do and see and experience more of the historic part of the city, the largest historic section of any city here. So much of that was all destroyed during the war, but for some reason, Savannah was spared.

Why is there still so much destruction going on around the world, where so many historic buildings are being destroyed? and so many people's lives being snuffed out? These are just a few of the questions of peace and justice that need an answer.