Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Ripping Emptiness

The jungle image of being choked by the vines is gone. In it's place is just a big empty void, with two big chunks ripped out of our life at the same time. The one was so totally unnecessary, the business one. It just makes the other even more painful, almost completely unbearable. If we had not been so consumed by our grief about the business, maybe we could have been more on top of things with Renee's situation and they maybe could have done something sooner. I don't know why we are blaming ourselves now, but it just seems like somehow it helps to blame someone.

We need to go to NYC to clean out the apartment and meet with the doctors. The question is should we drive or fly. We don't really want to be anywhere, not here nor in NYC.

Pray that God's name will be glorified in our grief, that we will continue to see that God is the God of all comfort, and that I won't spiral down into the pit of despair and depression.

God's love is unfailing. He went to the pit to save us. Thank you, Jesus!


  1. Mrs. Dueck-
    I don't have any words for you, at least none that would be helpful... I just wanted to let you know that your family is on mind and in my heart today.
    I hope I will be able to see you while you are in NY, if that is something you would like.
    You are in my prayers.
    Love, Kyle (Renee's music therapist)

  2. Anonymous3:49 PM

    Martha I feel too like I don't have words of comfort to you in this pain filled world you are living in right now but at least know there are people out there who are constantly lifting you up in prayer. Keep on blogging so we know how and what to pray for. God bless!! Luella

  3. Hi Kyle,

    Yes, we would like to meet you. When would be a good time?

    After I wrote that blog, I have been feeling alot more peaceful. I think it helps to express my feelings, being authentic, that way people know what to pray for. I know from our past experience that around one month after the death, we felt very lonely and abandoned. It seemed like people had stopped praying because they thought we were "doing okay" based on outward appearance. Now thanks to blogs and emails, it is easier to communicate our feelings. We have also been more open and honest than we were in the past. It doesn't really do any good to pretend that everything is going good, when it isn't.

    Thanks for praying. And thanks for the email. It is so good to know that there are those who remember and care.


  4. Hi Dueck Family -

    I'm not sure which blog you will check first, so I will post the same message on both...

    Are you planning to come to the hospital at all? Can you e-mail me at my Sloan account? Perhaps it will be easier to communicate that way. I am going to use the word 'AT' below to try and stop any spam coming to the account, but please substitute the @ symbol...

    gundelk AT mskcc.org

    I look forward to hearing from you.