Friday, June 27, 2008

To Be Loved

Yesterday it was four months since Renee's passing - promotion to glory - eight months since we went to Vancouver - October 25 was the day that Renee got the word that she had relapsed - three years since she was first diagnosed with leukemia. Some how by the grace of God we have made it though another day, another month, another year.

One of our coping strategies is to listen to lots and lots of those messages from Redeemer Presbyterian from NYC - they can be down loaded from their website. This morning I was listening to another one from the Easter series - about Mary who was the first witness to Jesus' resurrection - a woman being the first witness is quite significant - proving that this is not just a made up story - they would never have picked a woman to be the first witness.

Some of the things that stand out in mind from this message and others:
We need to be seek Jesus (the real Jesus - not just what we think He should be) and to be found by Him - to be known by Him and to know Him - to be loved by Him and to love. Once we truly understand that we are saved by grace alone and realize how amazing that grace is, it makes a huge difference. Once we really believe that Jesus was resurrected, we can know that the gospel is the truth and it can change us. I want it to change me, but it just seems too painfully slow sometimes. I need to remind myself often that God's grace is sufficient.

Wednesday, June 18, 2008


I have a plaque by the fireplace that I need to read quite often these days.

When you are hurting, come to Me and
When you need to be assured, come to Me and
When you can no longer go on, come to Me and
When you need comfort, come to Me and
When you are uncertain of My love, come to Me and
- Roy Lessin
The title of the message we listened to this morning is "I AM" - the first message in the St. John's Passion series by Dr. Timothy Keller of Redeemer Presbyterian Church in NYC. Jesus did not come to show us the way to God, as all religions try to do. He said, "I AM THE WAY."

Thursday, June 12, 2008

Someone who can Feel it when we are Hurting

Why? Why? Why? I try not to ask that question too much, but sometimes it just happens and the tears come. Children are not supposed to die before the parents. Renee had so much she wanted to do for God. Who will do what she wanted to do?

We have been having some amazing sunsets lately. I enjoy taking these photos. It helps me to feel connected to Renee in a small way.

On the way to the golf tournament in the morning, I was reading some verses from the new Lifelight Testament. Was reading from Hebrews. Came across the verses in chapter four that say, "We have a High Priest who can feel it when we are weak and hurting. We have a High Priest who was tempted in every way, just as we are. But he did not sin. So let us boldly approach the throne of grace. Then we will receive mercy. We will find grace to help us when we need it."

Yesterday morning I read some chapters from Exodus. I came across a verse that says, " And when they realized that the Lord had seen their misery and was deeply concerned for them, they all bowed their heads and worshiped."

Also yesterday in an email we received, I was reminded of those precious verses from Hebrews that encourage us to "run with endurance the race that God has set before us. We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus." By remembering that Jesus suffered infinitely more than than we can imagine - going to hell, taking upon himself the sin of the whole world - everybody that has ever lived or ever will - being seperated from the God to pay the price to set us free, so we could experience being made right with God, as if we had never sinned. We need to remind ourselves of that, to keep things in perspective, so we don't become weary and give up.