Wednesday, October 01, 2008

A New Day

In the book by C. S. Lewis that I mentioned yesterday, he says grief feels like fear, like suspense or like waiting, just hanging about waiting for something to happen. "Grief is like a bomber circling round and dropping its bombs each time the circle brings it overhead." "The mind always has some power of evasion. At worst, the unbearable thought only comes back and back, but the physical pain can be absolutely continuous." The pain and struggles Renee had to go through are way worse than what I'm going through.

Lewis says a mother has to deal with the fact that the maternal happiness of mothering her child has to be written off when the child dies, and that is what makes it so awfully painful. I have to hang on to my hope that some day I will get to heaven to 'glorify God and enjoy Him forever' where there will be no more tears.

Something that I read today in the grief/share workbook is that tears are God's gift to us to express the extent of our loss and not a sign of weakness or a lack of faith.

I'm thankful for the three children that I can still mother, to the extent that adult children need mothering. Right after I wrote that sentence one of my precious daughters called me for some advise. That felt so good.

1 comment:

  1. Thank you Martha for mentioning your 3 children who are still here to care for. I recall my Mom saying that after 1 of her 7 kids died it felt like most of the family was wiped out. I credit that to be a measure of a Mother's loss.
    May God grant you many daily opportunities to speak into your family - whether they admit it or not - they do need their Mom. Even as an adult I sure miss mine. So many times I want to call her with happy news, or tap into her experience with parenting. Or just a loving hug. sigh I am making plans to go to MB to see her again.